I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
