I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize