waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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