Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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