Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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