So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They are going to name an STD after you.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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