He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
