I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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