I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
you never un-have a 4some
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
