Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
