My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
