Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
