Betty ford says i'm here all night
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
barbara walters just said penis...
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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