Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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