eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Randomize