she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
