I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
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