If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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