anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
