rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Pants are for mortals
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
