so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Randomize
