I am puke
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
