He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
