Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.