I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
