im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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