im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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