I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
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I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
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Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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