Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
i now understand why vodka
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
