So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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