You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
