I want to make a zoo with you.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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