She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
