I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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