Screwed.edu
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Randomize
