so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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