I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
