I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
