did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
