He uses pillows to masturbate.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
