Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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