apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
