Do you still have your period?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Is Oprah even human
You were trust falling into bushes
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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