White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Randomize
