Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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