Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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