I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
