Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
