I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
