so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
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