piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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