you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
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