Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
