I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
