dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
