No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
