just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
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Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
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WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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