I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
