Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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