I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
