even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize