Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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