So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
