so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
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He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
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I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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