I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
